I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
