phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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