We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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