I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
