Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
