How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
