You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
