Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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