Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is wine microwaveable?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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