i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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