I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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