last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
