I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
