The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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