I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
