yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need moral support for this bender
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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