I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize