took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
