whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
