I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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