I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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