One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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