6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
