I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
