so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
