shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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