3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
