Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
