9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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