Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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