Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize