These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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