but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize