i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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