yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
