Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
