You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
