I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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