i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
