so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
