I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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