Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
