glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
