i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
