When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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