The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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