Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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