I think I just saw someone hide a body.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
