I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
