I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
