dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
