i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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