just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
