so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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