Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
