He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
