I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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