My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
