don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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