Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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