I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
