i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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