Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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