Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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