he was CRYING into my vagina
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
