I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
