he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
this is an emotional support booty call
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
