dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
