: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
