Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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