Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
