ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
