oh god the rape fog is back!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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