My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
