my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
