My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
