I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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