Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize