standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
