I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
