omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
