Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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