i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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