If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
